


Bill and Teds Homosexual Murder Mystery

by CrownKiller, soulofapunk1



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: 1980s, Abuse, Angst, Bill and Teds Homosexual Adventure, California valley boys, Captain Logan is a dick, Child Abuse, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Murder, Murder Mystery, Nonbinary Ted "Theodore" Logan, Time Travel, Transphobia, Verbal Abuse, Wyld Stallyns, be excellent to eachother, cops are bastards, himbos, neurodivergent Ted "Theodore" Logan, party on dudes, trans Bill S. Preston Esq
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrownKiller/pseuds/CrownKiller, https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofapunk1/pseuds/soulofapunk1
Summary: Bill and Ted are having to navigate through many bogus challenges. Questioning gender is not easy dude! But things get even more intense when they realize they have feelings for each other, and when Ted starts to remember some weird stuff. Could his Dad have actually killed his mom? That would be most heinous! Join Bill and Ted as they navigate the bigoted attitude of the 80’s and try to solve this old murder mystery.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan & Bill S. Preston Esq., Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 21





	1. The Circle Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! CrownKiller and I have been working on this fic and we’re excited to show it to y’all! CrownKiller has not seen the Bill and Ted movies yet, I just dragged her into this obsession yay :D. We have several chapters planned for this fic. We will add cw’s in the beginning notes and in the fic itself. There’s nothing to tag in this first chapter, but just so you guys know (Also Bill is a trans guy, but we are never using she/her pronouns for him cause it made us uncomfortable, so anyone talking about Bill will use gender neutral pns unless he’s out to them). Party on Dudes!

B walked up the short driveway and knocked on the door. He had arrived later than planned because he didn't want to have another run in with Captain Logan. However, his hopes were dashed when the door opened to reveal the person he least wanted to see. 

“Hello B-”

“Hey there, Captain Logan!! I'm here to pick up my most esteemed friend, Ted so we can go on a most excellent trip to Circle K.”

He pushed past him, hoping to avoid the comments that were sure to come.

About the same time B had walked into the house, Ted walked out of his room. Right before the two were about to greet each other with a most excellent hug, Captain Logan chimed in with one of his comments.

“You know, you are shaping out to be quite a nice young woman, I honestly have no idea why you hang out with my deadbeat son. . . I think that you would look very nice if you actually dressed like the girl that you are and started wearing makeup. You know, people are going to start thinking you are one of those transsexuals if you keep cutting your hair short.”

B was close to tears at this point. Ted had picked up on B’s clear discomfort and grabbed him by the wrist. 

“Hey dad, sorry to cut this most educational conversation short, but B and I have to go to Circle K before it closes!!”

“Isn't it open 24 hours?” 

“Bye ted's dad!!!” B said loudly.

Ted pushed past his father, dragging B in tow. They were soon outside and on their way to the store.

“Hey B are you okay? That conversation with my dad was most egregious”

B sniffed and swiped at his eyes, brimming with tears. “Yeah, I’m fine, just feeling most heinous”

Ted could tell that B was holding something back, but he didn’t wanna force them to talk about anything they didn’t want to yet, so they walked to Circle-K in silence.

While they walked, B thought on his recent turmoil: coming out to Ted. He had always shared everything with him, but now he was hesitant to share that he was actually a guy. What if he didn’t support him? What if he thought Bill was a freak and needed ‘fixing’ or something? But even if he accepted him, there was another problem: Bill was, most definitely, in love with his best friend Ted. And he didn’t want to lose him. But he knew that Ted had already noticed him being distant in the last few weeks and was concerned. If he didn’t say something soon, he might lose Ted anyway.

Bill came to the conclusion that he had to at least tell Ted about being a guy. That was a given. He didn’t have to mention being in love with him. Right? He could just….. Keep being friends with him. Watch as over the years Ted met a pretty girl and fell in love with her and married her. Break his heart with pining. But it would be fine. As long as he could stay friends with him, that was what mattered. Maybe someone like him couldn’t marry, but that was okay cause he didn’t wanna spend his life with anyone but Ted. 

Meanwhile, Ted was having a very gay crisis. He’d realized pretty early on in life that he liked boys. Maybe a bit more than he was supposed to. What could he say, JFK was kinda attractive. He hadn't told B yet though. It just hadn’t come up. But lately… he’d been feeling butterflies in his stomach whenever he hung out with B, like when they hugged, or even just brushed shoulders, or when they were playing guitar and shot each other stupid little grins. So… did he like girls and boys?? But like, B was the only girl he’d ever felt this way about. Was he a faker? If only B could be a dude, that would fix all his problems. And also if B could be in love with him. That would be a most excellent turn of events. 

Ted shot out a frustrated sigh whilst running his fingers through his hair and shooting B a glance. They were walking, lost in thought. Their hair curled gently around their ear and Ted wanted to reach out and brush it away. He honestly loved their short hair, they had looked so happy when they showed up the day they got it. A smile ghosted over his lips as he recalled B bursting into his room, tugging their cap off to reveal shorn hair. Ted had shot up from his bed only to be swept into a bone-crushing hug from B. Most excellent. When B had put him down, their faces were so close to each other and Ted couldn’t help glancing down at B’s lips as their breath ghosted over his. Then B had moved away, the spell had broken and Ted had been wondering if he was more straight than he thought he was ever since.

They had reached the Circle-K. After going inside, they went over to the Slurpee station. Ted got his customary cherry and shot B a look of surprise as they filled their cup up with blue raspberry. “I want a change,” B shrugged. Ted grabbed Reese's for him and Snickers for B, while they grabbed the chips and Twizzlers. After paying, they went outside and settled in their customary spots. The curb was still warm from the heat of the day and the sun was setting as they munched and slurped their spoils in contented silence.

The sun had set all the way and the first star was out before the two stopped their introspective thinking and decided it was time to do some confessing. “Hey dude.. I gotta tell you something..” B said hesitantly. Ted flashed them a smile “oh rad me too, you go first!!” B settled back, unsure of where to go. They opened their mouth a few times and then stopped. Ted could see tears starting to collect in the corner of their eyes. He reached over and gently tangled their hands together in the space between them, snacks long forgotten now. 

“You can tell me anything bro” B was about to go into cardiac arrest. Ted's calloused hand was warm around his and Bill wanted nothing more than to blurt out his love for Ted right there right now. No! That wasn’t the plan! Tell him about being a boy first, and then shove the love down and never talk about that. B took a deep breath before continuing “I wanna be like you bro. . .” 

Ted shot his best friend a confused glance “i think we’re already a lot alike dude!! We both like Van Halen, we both play guitar, we’re both in a most righteous band, the only difference I can think of is that you’re a gir-” “but what if i'm not a girl dude?!!” B cut him off before he could say that hated word, that felt so wrong, that didn’t fit Bill at all. Ted fell silent, and B continued on, his voice very quiet, eyes downcast, not wanting to see Teds reaction. 

“I wanna be like you.. I want to be a dude.. Like for real.” Ted still hadn’t said anything, just processing, and Bill could feel the tears start to spill over as he became certain that Ted hated him now, that Ted thought he was broken, that he was gonna lose the one guy he loved-- Bill tried to pull his hand away from Ted’s only for Ted to tighten his grip on Bill. He looked down on their conjoined hands, confused now. Ted shot Bill a glance before finally speaking: “really?”

Bill sniffled a little before speaking again. “yes really dude.. It's been on my mind for awhile now…” Bill finally raised his head to look at Ted, who was looking at him head-on. Ted still didn’t quite understand, but he knew that he loved his friend and that he would do anything to make them-him happy. He said his next sentence with enthusiasm “that's okay bro, i'll support you no matter what!” Bill was starting to feel a little better now. “Are- you sure? You don’t think I’m weird or wrong or-” “I think you know yourself and that you know who you truly are. Thanks for telling me broski, that was most excellent of you.” 

Ted bumped his shoulder against B’s, and then asked, “Do you have a different name you wanna go by, or is B good?” B lit up and told Ted, “I like the name Bill, man. Thanks for asking bro” and Bill fell even more in love with his friend that he told himself he couldn’t have. Ted smiled. “I like that Bill, it suits you more than your old one” and they leaned against each other as dust fell, the Circle K lights still blazed behind them and their Slurpees melted into slush. They were still holding hands. 

They sat there for a while before Bill started and turned to Ted. “What was it that you had to tell me, bro? Sorry, I just forgot and all, that was most bogus of me” Ted flamed red, and he could feel it spreading down his cheeks to his neck and further down his chest. He shifted a little, clearly shy now. “I- i think i have a crush on you dude… like you have a pretty face and you make me feel butterflies.”

Bill went through the freaking 7 stages of grief in one second. Ted loved him? He….. loved….. Him?? Like he reciprocated the same feelings, and also couldn’t do without him? But then he remembered with a sinking feeling that Ted probably didn’t want a boy. Right? Like Ted talked about babes. Bill was suddenly hyper aware of Ted's hand on his, how sweaty it had become, and he could feel the nervousness running through both of them. He reached for his Slurpee and took a big gulp before saying what probably both of them were thinking. “oh well I probably ruined everything just cuz i want to be a boy..” “I think I like boys” Ted cut in quickly and suddenly both of them were blushing. Bill whipped his head and a little light ignited in his chest. Ted liked boys? He could have Ted? 

Meanwhile Ted was so close to being on top of the world. So he was gay after all. He had leaned close to see if Bill was alright when he’d whipped around and suddenly they were very close, noses almost brushing. Ted couldn't help but notice Bill’s mouth stained blue, and it took him a second to realize that he was talking. “I like you too” he whispered, and Ted leaned in even closer until their mouths were just a centimetre away.

“Is it okay…. If I kiss you bro?” he whispered, and Bill leaned in all the way in answer and they kissed, outside of the Circle-K and their minds were promptly exploding and Bill was on top of the world, like he was a boy and he had Ted, and Ted was just tasting the sugary sweetness of Bills tongue. Finally they pulled away and looked at each other’s purple mouths and in unison, went “EXCELLENT” and air-guitared happily at one another.

. . .

Bill and Ted quickly untangled their hands before Ted opened the door to try to sneak into his house. Unfortunately, Captain Logan was waiting right there. “Well it’s about time you two got back. Ted, go upstairs. B-” “Yes we know, we’re late and B needs to get home, sorry dad,”

Logan pinched his lips at being interrupted before telling Bill, “Your parents called, they want you home.” 

Ted turned and hugged Bill, a bone-crushing hug while saying “I’ll see you tomorrow my most excellent friend,” and then more quieter, in Bills ear “Love ya Bill” 

Bill left, almost walking on air and Ted bounded to his room. Captain Logan stood in the entryway before yelling out “When did Circle-K get purple slushies?” Deacon quickly yelled back “They don’t have any, I went yesterday”.

Ted didn’t answer at all because he was too busy air-guitaring in his room from the most excellent hang-out with Bill yet.


	2. Missy's Foot in the Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted and Bill have a sleepover :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note, we will signify the beginning of triggering content with the following: TRIGGER WARNING: (trigger), and the end of it with END OF CONTENT

Ted snuck past the dark houses, the streetlamps casting circles of yellow light on the sidewalk. Moths hovered around them and cicadas screamed as the summer heat drained in the night. Ted wasn’t accustomed to being out this late and his footing was unsure as he traced the familiar route to Bill’s house. He had burst out of his house so quickly in an effort to get away from Captain Logan that he hadn’t had time to grab a jacket. The brisk wind cut through his thin tee and he shivered violently as he remembered the fight. 

Captain Logan had been being a dick as usual. School hadn’t even started and yet he was already on Ted’s back about grades. “Your grades last year were barely acceptable young man” He’d roared. “If you don’t get your act together this year, I'm gonna ship you off to military school.” Ted couldn’t believe his ears. “What is wrong with you? School hasn’t even started yet but you’ve already got your knickers in a twist! You can't take me away from all my friends and my life! That would tear apart B and my band!” 

“You have no friends except for B, and they don’t even act like a girl. Your band is worthless, you guys don’t know any instruments and I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOU WILL OBEY ME”

Ted saw red. “I DON’T CARE IF I ONLY HAVE ONE FRIEND, THEY’RE AWESOME AND OUR BAND WILL BE TOTALLY GNARLY, YOU’RE JUST MOST EGREGIOUS”

Ted doesn’t remember too much after that, mostly screaming and yelling and finally barging into his room and slamming the door shut. And almost immediately after, sneaking out of his window and heading to Bill’s.

. . . 

Bill looked up from the comic book he was reading. There were some most peculiar noises coming from his window. It almost sounded like someone was throwing rocks at his window. He bounded off his bed and crossed his room to the pane of glass. He threw open the curtains, gently slid the window up and stuck his head out into the fresh air only to be nailed in the forehead with a rock. “Oww” he cried out and recoiled, only to hit his head on the window frame. He tried to reach up to rub his head and instead hit the window frame. It rattled dangerously for a second before slamming shut on Bill’s neck. He choked and finally was able to free himself from the apparently dangerous contraption that was the modern window. He stumbled back and had a moment before he cautiously approached and looked out. Ted was standing there awkwardly, looking very cold.

“Ted?” Bill called out, not believing his eyes. “Yeah…..” Ted faltered for a bit. “Sorry for almost killing you,” he whisper-yelled into the night. “Nah bro it’s fine,” Bill said, rubbing his neck, which admittedly did hurt a lot but he wasn’t going to tell Ted that. “Wanna come up?” he called down. Ted looked very cold and he wasn’t gonna let his boyfriend?? Friend with kissing benefits?? Partner?? Whatever catch hypothermia. 

Ted clambered up the side of the house slowly and Bill found himself holding his breath at points. Two feet from the window Ted slipped and Bill had to bite his hand to keep from screaming out. Ted caught himself and continued up and Bill caught him and yanked him inside to safety. They tumbled to the floor, suddenly laughing and Ted brought inside the smell of crisp night air and infectious spirit. Before he could think about it Bill kissed Ted smack on the lips triumphantly. They both pulled away smiling and air guitared at each other. 

Bill cupped Ted’s head in his hands and they learned their foreheads against each other, just breathing and existing. “I missed you,” Ted whispered and Bill got the stupidest face-cracking grin on his face. “You saw me four hours ago, you doofus,” With that, Bill became very concerned. Ted’s face was freezing and it was then that Bill realized that Ted had probably walked to his house in the dark with nothing but a short-sleeved shirt on. He must be freezing! Bill leaned down and picked Ted up, bridal style. “Woah!” Ted flailed his arms around before hesitantly settling them around Bill’s neck. “You don’t need to do this, I can walk wherever you wanna go,” He chuckled at Bill and Bill smiled back. “Nah, you just climbed up the side of my house! You deserve to rest.” Bill crossed his room and dumped Ted on his bed before encasing them both with his pile of blankets and curling his warm body around Ted’s.

“What wrong bro?” Bill asked gently as their body heat started to pool together. Ted sighed and his whole body started to gradually relax now that he was with Bill. “My dad…” he mumbled before continuing. “We got in a fight. He wants to send me to military school if my grades suck like they did last year” Bill stiffened slightly before wrapping his arms tighter around Ted as if to remind himself that Ted was right there and not going anywhere. “That's bogus man, most non-non-heinous of him” he said, not sure what else he could do to offer comfort.

Ted let out a little sigh and turned to Bill. He wiggled his way down until his head was tucked into Bill's neck, his cold nose bumping against the warm skin. “Yeah. It is” he whispered. Bill ran his fingers through Ted’s hair, playing with it and scratching his scalp a little. “He probably didn’t mean it, he was just blowing off some steam. I’ll never let you get sent away to military school,” Bill muttered. “Thanks bro, that's most excellent of you,” Ted’s muffled reply came. They both pretended that there wasn’t moisture on Bill's neck, from something that suspiciously felt like tears. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” “Of course bro”

Bill stared prattling on about the comics he’d been reading, anything to distract Ted from his dad.  
He was still playing with Ted’s hair and gradually Ted's shoulders stopped shaking and his breathing evened out and his grip loosened on Bill. It was only when Bill was sure Ted was asleep did he stop speaking and press a kiss to his head. Then he set about going to sleep as well.

. . . 

Ted was tiny. That was a change, but for some reason he wasn’t concerned. This was just the way things were supposed to be. Someone that had long hair and smelled like cookies was carrying him, and finally set him down in front of some blocks. They were talking. But he wasn’t paying attention, he was already immersed. He felt them pat his head and walk off. 

He didn't know how long he played until he finally looked up. He’d finished his castle and wanted to show it off. He got up on his tiny legs and set off on a mission until he was distracted two steps later by a red pen. Awesome! The cap was off and as he picked it up it smeared on his skin. He sat back down with a plop and focused on this new toy, drawing swirly loops all over his skin. But soon he ran out of skin to draw on. 

Luckily the wall was so blank. He drew all over it. His parents were gonna love it. He drew himself, and little Deacon who never stopped screaming, and his dad and his mom. He signed it as best he could, which was not very well. It was then he became aware of a shadow over him. 

TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD ABUSE AND MURDER  
Also Content Warning: Sensory Overload

He started to turn around when a rough hand closed on his upper arm and yanked him up. He was turned to come eye to eye with the face of his furious father. “What do you think you’re doing?” his voice was low and dangerous. “I-i was drawin a ppretty picture that I uh.. I thought you w-would like!!” Ted gestured to a scribble on the wall that vaguely resembled a human “See daddy? That's you!!!” 

It all happened so quick. Soon after Ted had finished showing off his masterpiece, he had felt a cold sting on the side of his face. Tears had started to well up in the small boy's eyes. His father had said something along the lines of “You should know by now that you are supposed to call me sir..’ but he honestly couldn't tell. He was completely helpless.. Frozen in fear. 

“What the HELL do you think you’re doing to my son!!” His mom was in the room now, yelling at Dad. “It’s your fault that our son is like this!!” Captain Logan yelled in accusation. “That boy never listens to me, he’s always bouncing off the walls, and you just sit there and let him be like this. You and Ted both have your head up in the clouds and it's time to come back down to the harsh reality of the real world..” 

“He's just a kid Jonathan, Ted is four!! He's obviously going to make mistakes and that's normal for a kid his age!” she retorted. Meanwhile, Ted had been trying to block out the noise. It was a funny feeling actually . . . The firm grip on Ted's arm had been growing tighter by the minute and it was sure to leave a bruise. It seemed like the yelling was getting louder too and it was now harder to block out. The colors of the room were getting so bright and Ted tried to close his eyes to block them out, but every time his eyes closed the world started tilting so he had to open them again and everything was so bright and his eyes hurt and his fathers grip was hurting him! It was too tight! And everything was too much, too fast and . . . 

He was screaming and trying to cover his ears to block out everything and more noise was happening and something hit him and someone pulled him away and there were more noises and screams of fear besides him and his mom was cupping his face and wiping his tears and pushing him out the door, saying words that he can’t quite hear over his panicked sobs and gasps, but it was something about running and hiding. He stumbled to the door and as he ran he knocked over his castle he spent so long on and he ran and ran to his dark closet and crawled in among his clothes and hid where it was dark and quiet and safe. 

His breathing gradually slowed and his head was smooshed between his legs and the colors were still kind of bright and the noise still grated on his ears, but it was manageable now and the tight grip was gone from his arm which he never wanted to be there ever again and he was fine now. Or close to fine.

And then he remembered that his mom was probably still with his dad. That was bad. He might grab her too. He got up from the floor clumsily and ran out to save her. When he got further down the hallway he started slowing. He could hear noises from the other side of the house, screams and thumps. He quietly looked into the living room only to see it empty. They were in the dining room instead. He stepped over his blocks, past the drawing that started it all, and peeked through the door.

Ted saw his mom sprawled out on the floor, his dad standing above her. Her nose had blood gushing out of it and down her face, she had red marks on her neck and arms that were surely going to become bruises by morning, she had a black eye forming and a busted lip. He had also seen that her shirt had ridden up, her stomach was covered in what seemed like hundreds of purple marks left from previous fights. Before Ted could fully process what his father was doing, his mother was gone . . . Captain Logan had pulled a small handgun he had tucked away and shot his mother in the chest. 

It had made the loudest sound Ted was sure he had ever heard, even louder than when his father would be yelling at him. Blood had started to gush out of the hole in her chest and onto the hardwood floor. Her head flopped to the floor and she made a strangled gasp before convulsing one more time. Ted gave a horrified gasp and his dad paused and started to turn. Ted ran before he could see him. 

END TRIGGERING CONTENT

He burst out the door into the sunshine and why was it shining it shouldn't be shining not when a million years had passed since he’d sat down and now his mom was dead dead dead on the dining room floor and Ted pushed those thoughts out of his head because he didn’t wanna think about that no way.

Ted ran down the street as fast as his little legs could move. Finally he slowed down, panting as his lungs. He didn’t recognize where he was. He was lost but that was okay with him. A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “What’re you doin’ here punk. I’m gonna beat you up!” Ted looked up to see a kid with shoulder-length curly blonde hair approaching him menacingly. They had on dirty overalls and a white shirt and were a good 3 inches shorter than Ted. That wasn’t stopping them though, as they pounded their fist in their palm. Ted burst into tears. 

The kid’s attitude immediately changed. “Wait wait I was just kidding, I’m not actually gonna beat you up, it’s okay man! Do you wanna hug? Or a cookie? Just stop crying man, I was just joking!” They pushed forward into Teds arms and hugged him tight. He melted into their embrace and sobbed into their messy hair. He didn't even know their name. “I’m sor-sorry” he choked out because that was what his dad had told him, that crying was stupid and made you weak. 

They maneuvered around and looped their arm over his shoulder and began leading him to their house, “Nah it’s fine dude, that was bogus of me, I shouldn't have scared you. I’m gonna get you a cookie and then we can play in the dirt, it’ll be fine you see? I’m B.” Ted went along with them. It felt nice to be taken care of.~

Someone slapped him awake and he jolted up out of bed, heart hammering in his chest, drenched with sweat. He whirled around, “Da-” and then stopped short when he saw Bill’s face pale with fear. “I’m sorry I slapped you dude, you were just crying and kind of screaming in your sleep I was scared and-” Bill was cut off when Ted lunged into his arms in a hug.

Ted pulled away to grasp Bill’s arms tightly. “Bill, do you remember how we first met dude?” he asked, his eyes wide and face drawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, hope that wasn't too sad, whelp, probably gonna go downhill from there :) -SP
> 
> SP wrote the murder, I'm proud of them :D Also yes, we gave the chapter that title for the sole reason that Ted's mom is gone, I know we're horrible but I'm too busy laughing to care -CK


	3. Ted Tries to Rock his Dad's Sh*t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted gets the talk :)

Ted walked home through the morning fog, thinking about the conversation he’d had with Bill last night.  
. . .

“. . . . . Not really?” Bill cocked his head perplexedly at Ted. “It was years ago man. Like I remember . . . mud pies?? That’s about it though”

Ted sat back against the headboard, feeling disappointed somehow. “It was a long time ago dude, we’ve been friends since like forever man” Bill said gently. “You look like you’re feeling most heinous, what’s going on bro?”

“I-i just. I don’t know man, I had the most bogus dream. It was about my mom” 

“Dude, don’t think about her. She abandoned you guys 12 years ago, which was most egregious of her cause I, for one, would never leave you, plus she was like pronounced dead when you were like 11.”

“I know- it’s just. I don't know man. I still miss her y’know?” How did you tell your best mate that you’d had a very realistic and hyper detailed dream about your dad shooting your mom?

“Here man, it was just a most heinous dream, let’s just go back to sleep cause it’s so early” Bill yawned and slid back into the covers, dragging Ted with him. Ted came, if a bit reluctantly. Bill pressed a sleepy kiss to the underside of his jaw and was out like a light instantly. Ted on the other hand lay awake for quite some time after.

In the morning they hadn’t talked much about the dream. Ted had splashed water on his face while Bill pulled on two t-shirts and a sweatshirt and then they’d walked downstairs. Ted had snatched some toast, hugged Bill, and left before his parents could get up.

. . .

He’d reached his house. Ted tried to sneak in through his window, but it was latched. An internal stream of curses started. His dad knew he’d left. Maybe he could still make it to his room before Logan woke up.

He walked up quietly to the front door and gently opened it, trying not to make it creak. He slipped in and turned to close it just in the right way so the latch wouldn't click.

“Hello Ted.” A iron hand clapped onto his shoulder and Ted jumped, the door shutting with a final clack that echoed throughout the house. He was shaking with fear.

Captain Logan pulled him further into the dark house, into the living room. “Sit down” Ted was quivering.  
“I said, Sit Down!” Logan’s hand forced Ted down onto the couch. He pulled a chair in front of him and settled down heavily, folding his hands in front of him.

Ted’s hands twisted in the hem of his shirt nervously and his eyes bore holes into the carpet near Captain Logan’s shoes. “Look me in the eyes!” his dad snapped and Ted’s eyes shot back up as he quickly stammered “Sorry da-- sir. Sorry sir.”

The captain sighed heavily before speaking. “I know what you did last night. What you and B have been up to. I didn’t think a pansy like you had it in you” he sneered at Ted, whose mouth had long past gone dry and there were faint memories of a red pen and a knocked down castle that he shook out.

“WhAA-” his voice pitched uncomfortably and he cleared his throat before moving on, “What are you talking about? B and I haven’t been doing anything.” he laughed a little bit. 

“Don’t be stupid. I’m a police officer, you can't pull a fast one on me. Always spending time together? Defending her? Sneaking out and going to their house?? The WALK OF SHAME HOME??” Ted had been shrinking further and further into the couch cushions with every accusation, face going pale.

Captain Logan settled back into his chair and his voice became soft again. “My boy caught himself a girlfriend. You actually did it.” his tone was incredulous, and Ted was staring at the floor again. “Y’know I always thought you were a fag, but I guess I misjudged you. I mean it would be better if B would dress like the pretty girl they are, but whatever, you take what you can get.”

Ted glanced back up to find Captain Logan. . . not smiling, but not with the stern look he thought he would have.

“So, while I don’t approve of you having popped the cherry with B, it’s about time I talked to you about this anyway. So . . .” his dad looked almost,,,,,, uncomfortable? What?

His dad took a breath before continuing. “So when a girl and a boy love each other very much. . .”

Ted tried to bolt immediately, feeling primal fear. “Dad no it’s fine I don’t need this!” He yelled before the Captain grabbed him and forced him back onto the couch. “No, we are doing this TODAY, RIGHT NOW” his face was slightly flushed from embarrassment and the exertion of catching a sprightly young teenage boy.

Captain Logan continued on and they didn’t look at each other. It got worse when he pulled a banana out of his pocket. It was slightly mushy. Ted wanted nothing more than to melt through the cracks of the earth and fall into the abyss of hell.

Ted had listened to his fathers rambling for about five more minutes before deciding he had enough. “Hey uh dad- sorry I mean sir, this conversation has been most educational but i have to get back to my most excellent drawing I had been working on!!”

“Not so fast young man!” Captain Logan grabbed Ted's arm again. “You never listen to me and you never respect me!” 

“No, please, I don’t need this dad-” the word slipped out without Ted thinking about it, a desperate plea.

Captain Logan stood tall with fury. “I’ve told you before to call me sir, if you won’t respect me, then I’ll make you fear me!”

. . . 

Ted hid in his room afterwards, just laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He listened to Deacon get up and get breakfast, and Captain Logan finally left the house, slamming the door shut. A short time later, Deacon left too, to hang with his friends. Still he lay there, just thinking. In the silence, his mind drifted back to his dream. He knew his dad wasn’t a good person. Obviously, but like Ted deserved this treatment. Right? He was too jittery and clumsy and dumb. But his dad would never kill mom. But then why did he remember it so clearly?

Ted sat upright suddenly. What if he just looked around? It’s not like he thought his dream was true . . . but it wouldn’t hurt anyone if no one knew he was looking around.

Ted crept slowly out of his room. He was sure that it was nothing. That his dream was just paranoid delusions. He didn’t know what he would find- or even if he would find anything at all.

He started in the dining room. That was where his mom had been killed right? At least in his dream . . . But his search turned up nothing. He combed through the drawers, moved chairs, and even pulled up the carpet to look at the floor. But there was no evidence. Stupid. What had he expected, that there would be fresh blood still there after 12 years? Yeah right. 

He hesitantly went into the living room. It had only been about 2 hours since the horrible Talk and subsequent fight, but still. The energy in the room was most egregious.

Ted surveyed the room, head tilted to the side and a frown on his face. What could he even look for. He half-heartedly moved some furniture around and looked around, but honestly he was beginning to think Bill had been most right. Maybe his mom had just left him and he was just insane. 

It was then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Something close to the ground. . . and red. His heart started pounding and he flattened himself onto the ground to get a closer look. The room had gone unpainted since they’d moved in, yet there was a fresher patch right where he remembered drawing.

Some of it was flaking away and he picked at it, until a chunk of paint tumbled down to reveal a messy scribble. Ted turned his head this way and that, quizzically studying it before it clicked. It was his signature, before he’d even figured out how to write.

Bolting up from the floor, he quickly rearranged the room and raced back to hide in his bed. He found his signature. His dream was real. Right? What did this mean? Where had his dad- Captain Logan even hidden the body? 

He needed to confront Logan. . . . no he needed to talk to Bill . . . . no he had to do something. Anything. He should confront Captain Logan WITH Bill. Yes. That would work.

He stumbled out of his room, frantically pulling on a flannel and tying his shoes. “I’m going to B’s Deacon!” he yelled out, forgetting in his rush that it was just him in the empty house. He stopped in the hallway and dialed the Esquire’s residence.

“MISSY! I- I mean Mrs. Esquire. Tell B I’m coming over, tell them to be ready, we're going somewhere . . . what? Yeah I’m fine, I’ll be there in a sec, BYE!” He slammed the receiver down and was off. 

. . .

Bill waited nervously by the front door. Missy had told him that Ted had called, he was coming over but was ‘acting weirder than usual’. He could see Ted bounding up his driveway, so he opened up the door and slipped out. “Ted! Are you okay bro?” Ted caught his hand and pulled him along, talking a mile a minute. 

“Bill my most excellent dude, no I have the most heinous news. Remember how last night I woke up? That was because I had a dream where Captain Logan killed my mom, which yes, is very bogus, and it doesn’t really sound real. But I got home and I looked around, and I found my signature on the wall, which means I did draw on the wall when I was 4, and also means my dad killed my mom and somehow covered up the crime, and now we’re going to the station to confront him right now because wHAT IN THE-”

“Ted Ted, dude you gotta stop or slow down!” Bill pulled Ted back to face him. Bill had caught maybe 5 words of the entire rant and the entire time Ted had gradually been walking faster and faster until he was almost tugging Bill’s arm out of his socket.

“Bill please I don’t know what to do, you’re the smarter one out of us, the Captain killed my mom and I don’t know what to do!” Ted looked at him with tears in his eyes.

Bill paused, processing all the information before pulling Ted into a hug. “Okay dude, I’m not sure what’s going on right now but you need to calm down and start from the beginning,” he said in Ted’s ear. “Then we can make a plan, but we can’t just rush in and accuse your dad, the police officer, of murder. That wouldn't go well, okay?” Ted nodded, his head against Bill's shoulder.

Ted pulled back and explained as well as he could, stammering on some parts. Bill waited patiently, listening closely. When he’d finished, Bill took it all in before speaking. “Okay Ted. I’m not saying that I don’t believe you, but we need to find more evidence before we accuse your dad. A scribble and a dream won’t hold up in court, which is bogus, but the truth. He is a police officer, so we need to be careful with this,” 

Ted nodded somberly. “Okay dude, you’re most right. I wasn’t thinking straight,” Bill interjected with, “Don’t beat yourself up, this is most heinous stuff to think about by yourself, but we can do this together man,” Bill laced his fingers through Ted’s and shot him a smile.

They started walking to the station (Station!) again, coming up with a plan. “Well, what if you just casually ask Captain Logan about your mom? Then we could gauge his reaction? Or what if we ask to see the file, cause she was a missing person case for a while?”

“Yeah yeah, that could work!” Ted nodded. “I’ll just ask the Captain about mom and see if he reacts at all, asking for the file might tip him off,” 

“Okay, that sounds like a most excellent plan Ted, just be chill so he doesn’t suspect anything” Bill said enthusiastically.

They reached and entered the police station. “Be COOL, Ted” Bill hissed in his ear as his arm wrapped around Ted’s waist in a comforting embrace.

TRIGGER WARNING: Misgendering and F slur

Logan and his coworkers were all gathered together, gossiping, and all turned to stare at the two teenage boys. “Ayyy Ted, is this your girl? Well we all know who wears the pants in the relationship eh?” one said, nudging the others and gesturing at Bill’s hand. The Police officers laughed and only got louder when Ted and Bill jumped apart like they’d been burned.

“Yeah, Logan’s been going on and on about you finally getting some, it’s about time!” Another called out. “We had all placed bets on when you’d come out as a pansy, but I guess you surprised us all, HAH”

The heckling went on and on and they just stood there awkwardly, glancing at each other. “Hey, we need to talk to my dad” Ted mumbled out. They didn’t notice and kept edging them on with more and more comments. 

Bill cleared his throat and tried too. “We need to speak to Captain Logan alone” They heard Bill, but that only made the jeers worse.

“Oh, does Ted need his little girlie to talk for him huh? Does she take control in the bedroom too, I bet she does! The way you guys try to look, I’d say you were the girl Ted!” someone howled and Ted could see Bill wince.

He pulled forward and yanked his dad out of the crowd, pulling him outside. Bill followed. They rounded on the shocked and angry Captain. “Dad how-” “I’m a boy” Bill blurted out, interrupting Ted.

The world hung still for a second and they watched the Captain’s face go from confusion to shock to anger. 

“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull B-” Logan’s face became red as they struggled to remember Bill’s birth name, but he’d been called B for so long that no one could remember. Logan moved on, “but you are not a boy and never will be, no matter how short you chop your hair or how many layers you try to wear. Corrupting my boy like that, no wonder everyone thinks he’s a fag, he’s been hanging around YOU, well-”

END Triggering Content  
Content Warning: Fight 

He was cut off by Ted socking him in face as hard as he could. Captain Logan bent down as Ted stumbled back, cradling his knuckles. That hURT! Captain Kirk made beating up baddies look so easy. 

Ted stood taller and pointed at Captain Logan, finger trembling. “Dad, I don’t care how much you yell at me or beat me up, but Bill is my Boyfriend, and you will respect him”

Bill’s mouth had dropped open and now he was fighting a grin as a blush spread through his cheeks. Boyfriend? They hadn’t said anything like concrete about their relationship, but that word . . . boyfriend. That was a most solid term. This was most bodacious. 

He should have been paying attention to the fight which had been escalating, Ted and Captain Logan screaming at each other. Bill snapped out of his euphoria just in time to see Ted try to punch his dad again. Bill saw Ted's mistake just as the Captain did: Ted was swinging too wide, leaving himself totally open for attack. The Captain easily dodged and rebounded with a sickening punch to Ted’s eye.

Bill watched in slow motion as Ted spun around and hit the pavement face first with a sickening crack. Bill’s mouth gaped open in horror and he froze as Captain Logan paced over to the dazed Ted, kneeled down and pulled out his handcuffs.

Logan was manhandling his son’s arms, who was struggling feebly against him, scratching his hands on the pavement as he tried to get away. Suddenly Captain Logan was pushed off with a strong force. Bill had finally joined the fight. 

Logan tumbled to the ground and turned around to see Bill gearing up towards him. Ted was clumsy, but Bill knew how to fight and had oftentimes thrown punches at anyone who’d made fun of him and Ted. “Stop!” the Captain yelled authoritatively and Bill halted his fist an inch from Logan’s face, his other hand clenching Logan’s collar. 

“Punch me and I’ll arrest and detain you for assaulting an officer” Logan sneered. Bill stared daggers at him, before roughly letting him go and turning to pull Ted up. They ran away, Bill practically carrying Ted, and right before they rounded the corner Bill turned to yell:

“Just leave me and my boyfriend alone!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SP wrote two words of this segment, the slurs, which I really appreciate cause I am not typing that crap out (/gen) . :) Also I'm very sorry for the Talk and the banana, but like. I'm a gremlin author that apparently is typing whatever comes into my head -CK


	4. Can't Come Hair No Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clean-up time after the fight :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title pun might make more sense after you've read the full chapter but if you reach the end and it still doesn't make sense, then oh well, me and SP found it hilarious :)

Bill and Ted stumbled into Bills house and up the stairs, Bill calling out a quick greeting to Missy who off-handedly responded from the kitchen. Bill pulled Ted into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it quickly. Pulling first-aid supplies from the cabinet, Bill guided Ted, who plopped down dazedly onto the edge of the bathtub. Bill took residence on the toilet and balanced the small kit on his legs, which brushed against Teds.

Ted blinked slowly as Bill gently picked up his damaged hands. The skin on the knuckles was torn and bloody, bits of gravel clinging to them. He gently cleaned the grit out, then pressed a cotton ball with hydrogen peroxide to them. Ted gently winced at the pain, and Bill glanced up at him concerned. “You good, bro?” Ted held his breath and then let it out with a hiss. “Yeah,” he said, opening his eyes and staring at Bill. He tried to smile and then stopped as it pulled at his split lip. 

“I’m nearly done with your hands, don’t worry,” Bill spread some Neosporin on his knuckles and then tenderly bandaged them with some gauze and medical tape. “Can you still move your hands alright? Did I bandage too tight? Or too much?” Bill asked, concerned. Ted gently flexed his hands, then did a pathetic attempt at an air guitar. Bill mimicked it back from pure reflex. “Yeah, your first aid is most excellent!” 

Bill allowed himself a quick grin. Ted still looked most beat up though. “Okay, I’m moving onto your face now bro” he warned. He cleaned the tiny cut on Ted’s cheekbone and cracked the instant ice pack that they had had forever which might not even work. To his relief, it immediately cooled down. Putting it in Ted’s less damaged hand, he guided it to his quickly darkening black eye. “Hold it there for me” his hand lingered on Ted’s and they stared into each other’s eyes. Finally Bill looked down at the ground, cheeks burning.

Ted’s nose hadn’t bled too much thankfully, and it was quick and easy to wipe that small amount of blood away. It was the split lip he was worried about. He had no idea how to treat that.

“I think we’re supposed to put ice on it,” Ted whispered. Bill whipped his eyes back up to Ted’s, blushing even more. He’d moved closer sometime while he was bandaging everything and their faces were only 5 inches apart.

Bill turned his attention back to the lip. “Yeah well, that was the only ice pack in the house, which is most heinous, so it’ll have to take turns.” He reached up and gently touched the cut. Ted hissed and Bill instinctively said “Want me to kiss it better?” 

They both froze, looking at each other. Bill opened his mouth at the same time as Ted, stammering out an apology: “I’m sorry, it was just by instinct- like my mom used to say it an-” “Yes please” Ted rushed out, ears red.

Bill stopped, mouth open. “O-oh okay, yeah I guess like a kiss would be most excellent” They leaned into each other and Bill couldn’t help glancing down at Ted’s lips, still a little blood on them before closing his eyes and kissing him gently.

‘Ted tastes like blood’ Bill thought as they kissed. He didn’t really mind though. It was tender, sweet. He could do this for ages.

Ted’s hands threaded through Bill’s hair, pulling him closer when Bill made a little displeased noise in the back of his throat. Ted’s eyes immediately flew open and he pulled back. “Oh no was that too much? What’s wrong?”

“No no you didn’t do anything wrong, I just . . . I don’t like how long my hair’s gotten” Bill frowned and ran his fingers over his head. His hair was curling at the end of his neck. It had been quite some time since his haircut. “Oh well we can cut it bro” Ted offered up the suggestion. Bill looked at him. “Really?”

“Well yeah!” Ted nodded enthusiastically, looking like a puppy dog. “The clippers are at the bottom of the sink, and cutting hair can’t be that hard, right? You have like, curls to cover up the mistakes I might make!”

“Ted Logan, you're a genius!” Bill couldn’t believe he’d never thought of that idea before. No salon would cut his hair the way he wanted it and no barber would cut his hair period. But Ted cutting his hair. His best bro, his boyfriend? Most excellent!

Ted was pulling out the razor and clippers and examining them. “Okay bro, so I think I’m gonna start with the longest setting and go from there.” 

“Most excellent,” Bill sat on the toilet as Ted plugged in his equipment. Ted wavered a bit, but after taking a breath, set the clippers to Bill’s hair and began. Locks of hair drifted down and Ted was really nervous. The hair had been cut up to the hairline on Bill’s neck, but it now looked weird. 

Frowning, Ted switched out the clippers and tried to like merge the hair? Fade the hair? He didn’t know what he was doing but he knew that Bill would be upset with a muffin top haircut. Finally he pulled away. “Okay I’m done,” he flashed a smile, but his stomach churned. What if Bill didn’t like it?

Bill got up, shivering as the cold air hit the back of his neck. That felt most awesome. Shaking off the stray hair, he went to look in the mirror. He took one look and started crying. “Oh no, you hate it! It’s okay Bill we can fix this, maybe like hats or wigs or something, I’m so sorry that I messed it up that was most bogus,” Ted rambled on, fully in panic mode.

“No no I love it!” Bill said through his tears. “This is the most I’ve actually looked like me in my entire life!” he was running his hands through his short hair, reveling in the feeling. Without warning, he spun around and pulled Ted in for a kiss.

“Thank you, this haircut is most radical, my dude!” Bill said when he pulled away before squeezing Ted into a bone-crushing hug. Ted melted in his arms. “I’m glad you like it bro” he whispered.

They stayed in the hug for a while. Hair was on the floor along with bloody tissues and bandage remnants. The ice pack lay forgotten on the counter, slowly melting.

Finally Ted broke the silence. “Where am I gonna go Bill? I can’t go back to my house with him there,” his grasp on Bill tightened as his whole body tensed.

Bill rested his cheek on Ted’s shoulder as he thought. “You can stay with me. We’ll figure something out Ted. We always do,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup. So I (CK) am mainly taking over writing from here on out. SP still gives me like inspiration and stuff but like still hiii. Anyways this was a short fluff filler chapter mess. Bon Appetit Bill and Ted fandom


	5. Put the Die in Dianne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Ted visit Dianne Logan's grave, and we also learn what's been happening the past 3 months

3 months later. . . 

Ted and Bill stood before a weathered gravestone. Leaves blew past them in the brisk winter air. The name Dianne Logan was carved on it, and besides it were the daisies that Bill and Ted had bought with their pocket money on the way there.

“Y’know, it’s kinda weird to think about the fact that there’s no body under that grave,” Bill commented. Ted shot him a look. That was true, but it was still weird to think about.

Dianne Logan, his mother, had been declared dead and the missing file on her closed after there’d been no trace of her for seven years. They’d had a funeral for her on November 21st. “Do you remember how awkward it was?”

. . .

B knocked on Ted’s door and poked their head in. “Are you ready Ted? C’mon the funeral is in an hour!” Ted came out awkwardly. He had grown over the summer and was now very tall and gangly. He looked very uncomfortable in his button up shirt and crooked bowtie. 

“I don't like this,” he complained. “I knOW, these clothes are so bogus, wanna switch?” B looked equally uncomfy in his black dress.

“Sure,” Ted shrugged. “Oh wait, for real man?” B blinked at him in surprise.

“Yeah, I’ve always wondered what a skirt felt like,” “Ehh, they’re not what they’re hyped up to be,” B shrugged, “But still, Excellent!” They air guitared and began the process of trying to exchange clothes without looking at each other. 

“Hey! Bro!” Ted yelled when B flung his dress behind his head and it snapped Ted in the eye. “It’s not like this is any easier for me, with your bogus long pants and stuff” B shot back as he rolled up the pant legs multiple times. 

“Okay I’m done, you?” B hopped impatiently, their back to Ted. “Wait no, B help please these are most heinous clothes to get into” B whirled around to find Ted straining to zip up the back, arms not quite able to reach. “Okay wait I got you,” 

B hopped forward and quickly zipped Ted up. “You are good to go my most esteemed friend,” 

Ted turned around and Bill had to catch his breath. The dress looked all wrong on him, but on Ted . . . it just fit. It was perfect. Ted experimentally swished the fabric around his legs then looked up at Bill, beaming.

B looked equally happy. On them the suit (which was a little big) looked fantastic. Maybe it was how happy B seemed to be wearing it.

“We are the best dressed 11 year olds in the world!” Ted declared, swinging his hands around excitedly. B laughed brightly and in the ruckus no one heard the footsteps getting closer. 

“Ted? Are you ready?” A voice thundered and suddenly the door was flung open and Captain Logan stood there. Both B and Ted looked down quickly, feeling guilty. Ted blushed straight up to his ears. 

“Wha-What are you two doing? We don’t have time for these shenanigans!” the Captain yelled.

“Wait dad please, we just,” Ted tripped over his words trying to explain (though really he had no clue what he could say to begin to explain? excuse? this.)

“No.” Captain Logan stood up straight and breathed heavily. “Get dressed. in the right clothes and come downstairs. Quickly. Or there will be consequences.” he shut the door and left. 

The cheerful attitude was completely shattered and B and Ted got back in their original clothes in silence. When they went downstairs B saw their reflection in the mirror and wanted to cry. They felt so wrong.

The funeral was quiet and small. Deacon looked mostly confused, he didn’t even remember mom. There were a lot of roses and all Ted could think about as he threw his handful of dirt on the empty coffin was that his mom preferred chrysanthemums. How did he remember that?

It had been a freezing day and by the time B and Ted had gotten back in the car they were both cold and looked as miserable as they felt.

. . .

“Yeah that day was . . . weird,” Ted finally said back. 

Bill’s hands slipped into his. “C’mon, lets go. We don’t wanna be late to dinner.” 

“Can you go on ahead? I just wanna,” Ted hesitated. Bill seemed to understand anyway. “Yeah. I’ll be in Missy’s car.” the second he left Ted’s hand was so much colder.

Ted’s thoughts swirled. He and Bill still hadn’t found much evidence to back up the fact that Captain Logan had murdered his mom. That was bogus. It was hard to find evidence for something that happened years ago. Plus school took up the majority of him and Bill's time now. Senior year was tougher than he’d thought it’d be.

A stick crunched behind him and he tensed up, turning quickly to see Deacon and Captain Logan. They stood 6 feet apart, at a weird impasse. Deacon hesitantly waved his hand at Ted from behind their dad. He looked terrible. Eyes drawn, shoulders hunched over. Ted frowned. Leaving Deacon there was the worst part.

Finally Captain Logan spoke. “Theodore. Are you done with your little rebellion? Ready to come home?”

“Leave me alone,” Ted hated how his voice visibly shook as he subconsciously took a step back. 

“You have to come back eventually. You can’t stay at B’s forever. I will find a way to make you come home.” Captain Logan's eyes were dark.

“NO” Ted stomped past them back to Bill. Deacon stared after him as he left and Ted couldn’t help remembering the last time he’d set foot in his house and seen Deacon. . .

That day after cutting Bill's hair, Ted had rushed home and grabbed as many belongings as he could. “Ted where are you going? What happened dude?” Deacon had been home and looked terrified as his brother rushed around, blood stained bandages on him.

“I just can’t do this Deacon, it’s most heinous. I’m leaving for now,” he grabbed his other pair of sneakers and stuffed them in his backpack while moving for the door. 

“Wait wait when are you coming back? Did someone beat you up? It’s fine, maybe the Captain can help, please don’t go Ted,” Deacon pleaded behind him. 

He paused. “Deacon… dad did this to me,” his voice broke and Deacon's face crumbled. 

“I’m sorry, things are complicated, but I just can’t stay here. I’ll find a way to get you out too, but. Bye for now,” and he left.

He’d just been staying with Bill this whole time (it’s not like Missy and Mr. Esquire noticed). The first week had been silent, and then the second was when Captain Logan started hounding him, calling the house phone persistently, leaving letters, even waiting outside Bill’s house in his cop car.. He seemed determined for Ted to come home. They’d managed to survive: dodge the phone calls, burn the letters, literally just stay inside all day reading comics and listening to records.

By the fourth week, when school had started, Captain Logan had stopped. He went suspiciously quiet. Ted still got a feeling at the back of his neck like he was being watched and he didn’t know where. It wasn’t uncommon for him to turn around in class to stare worriedly around him. Bill always shot him a wide reassuring smile when that happened and bumped his feet against Ted’s chair. 

And now here they were. Three months Ted had not been home and just been hanging with Bill and it had been most excellent. They shared clothes a lot. Bill had some skirts and dresses that Ted got to wear and every time they were alone in Bill's room Ted put them on. He just loved how it made him feel. Lighter, happier. Really floaty.

One day when they were procrastinating on their history homework Bill had asked if he was like him. “Like, do you feel like a girl? Like everything is most ungnarly when you think of yourself as a boy” But no. That didn’t feel right at all. But neither did being a man sometimes. “I’m like. . . something between them man” he’d explained as best as he could and Bill had just nodded and hugged him.

School was okay if you didn’t pay attention to the heckling. They would eat lunch alone and discuss different episodes of star trek, exclaiming “Excellent!” every time one of them made a good point (which was a lot). Sometimes Ted would be so enthusiastic that he would almost spill his apple juice onto his tuna sandwich.

…

Ted shook himself from the past as he slipped into the car next to Bill and buckled his seatbelt. He could feel Bill staring at him worriedly as Missy started the car and drove away from the cemetery, chatting animatedly. 

He didn’t care. His hands twisted in his lap. He hadn’t even gotten to . . . what. Talk to his mom’s empty grave? Ted had no clue what he would have done if Captain Logan hadn’t shown up. Ugh. It was still bogus. 

He remembered how mad the Captain had looked and his stomach twisted sharply as a realization washed over him. His dad was a killer. That’s what he was looking to prove. He was meddling in stuff way over his head. The captain was clearly capable of overpowering him. Ted got a phantom pain through his body remembering that fight months ago. 

Like he’d known this stuff before. But he hadn’t realized it. And he’d dragged Bill into this with him too. Ted looked out of the corner of his eye to where his boyfriend sat, playing with his curls. Oh gosh. 

Was this actually happening? He was determined about this over what? A vivid dream and a scribbled crayon signature. Ted’s stomach had been churning this whole time and it was all too much. “Pull over,” he managed to gasp out and Missy barely did so in time before Ted burst out of the car and threw up bile on the side of the road. 

Bill had stumbled out hurriedly after him and was pulling his hair back, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “It’s okay, you’re okay” he murmured.

Ted sat back, eyes brimming with tears. His jeans were sure to have grass stains on them. “C’mon, let’s go,” Bill hoisted him up and they got back in the car.

When they got home Bill fluttered around him for the rest of the evening, bringing him stale graham crackers and ginger ale. Ted didn’t really feel like saying anything, but had clung to Bill tighter that night. Just as a way of telling him he appreciated the concern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I started college again (its kicking my butt haha), and also I live in Texas so I've had to face a water crises, ice storms and I'm going to face *checks notes* the mask mandate lifting next week and an inevitable outbreak of Covid again wow! That's not very stupid and easily avoidable at all! Also I was gone long enough to start having a gender crisis AGHDHH. Thanks for all the kind comments, I hope y'all like this quick chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Wasn’t that cute? Well strap in because unfortunately we decided to throw our favorite California Valley boys into a murder mystery. Literally this fic is whiplash angst and fluff. (Sorry-CK)


End file.
